So Long, Jack LaLanne

I was saddened recently by news of the passing of Jack LaLanne. We worked together 25 years ago, and it was a fun time. Jack, of course, was the fitness guru, and had recently celebrated his 70th birthday by swimming and pulling 70 rowboats, each with one passenger, from Alcatraz Island to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. Oh, I forgot to mention; he did this while handcuffed at the wrists and ankles. Honest!

Anyway, Jack had agreed to voice a daily radio vignette for a client of ours. It was called Fun and Fitness Over Fifty, and featured Jack describing exercises appropriate for our audience, and pitching his unique use-it-or-lose-it philosophy. I have to admit, I don't think I've ever met a more enjoyable character.

Well, Jack arrived for our first session at a studio in Manhattan with scripts in hand. He swore he had studied them, but it may have been more like reading than actual studying. We ran into our first problem almost immediately. You see, Jack, like many people, was too vain to admit his need for reading glasses. As he read a script and reached the end of a line, he moved his eyes back to the start of the next line. And lost his place every time! Of course, there was no way we could talk him into reading glasses, and there was no way Ben, our faithful engineer and editor could cut and splice every line of every script, although that's what he had to do for this first session. Remember, this was before the advent of computer editing; this all had to be done with real tape and razor blades. When the session was done, we shook hands and bid farewell until the next session. As Jack left, Ben banged his head on the board and likened the session to the Bataan Death March. It had taken just a tick under 4 hours, about twice the usual length of our sessions.

As we were discussing possible solutions, the receptionist came in and said, "You've got to see this." "This" was Jack in the elevator lobby... doing jumping jacks as he waited. The session may have tested our endurance, but it sure didn't faze Jack.

Our solution was to get a bigger type ball for our IBM Selectric typewriter and a high intensity lamp for Jack's scripts. There was one more problem. Our sponsor wanted Jack to deliver the offer of a booklet of exercises. The mailing address was a PO box in Kankakee, Illinois. No problem, except that every time Jack tried to say, "Kankakee" it came out "Kankalee." Now wiser, we quickly decided to get one good take and edit that take onto the end of all the rest of the shows.

Goodbye, Jack, it was truly a delight to know you.

Keep Walking!

No, this isn't what you expected, not a warning to get yourself in shape before it's too late. No, it's something else entirely. In the midst of the NFL playoff season, with the Super Bowl looming large, we are starting an annual festival of crap and pap that's being sent our way dressed as advertising. Most of it seems to be entries in an inanity contest. Could the Pepsi commercials about Pepsi being "drafted" as the official cola of the NFL be any sillier? Does anyone not realize that all that means is that Pepsi was willing to pay more for it than anyone else?

Anyway, here's a link (http://www.crikey.com.au/2010/08/17/johnniewalker/?source=cmailer) that will take you to the most nearly perfect commercial I can remember seeing. It's a long one (over 6 minutes) and it's a brand image spot for Johnnie Walker Scotch. It appears to have been shot on a Steadicam, in one take. I'll admit that there could have been some digital cuts in there, but I don't think so. And even if there are, they are so masterful they only add to the beauty of the finished product. Oh, and the sound appears to have been looped (re-recorded), again skillfully.

So I'd suggest you pour yourself a wee dram of Johnnie Walker, plop down in your favorite chair, and enjoy the rare beauty of perfection. It seems to me there's precious little of it these days.